Here we go again!!!

Just read my last blog I wrote a few months ago and realized that I've accomplished everything I didn't want to. I've failed the things I was hoping I could maintain. so here I sat single, failing one of my classes in college, and broke. Why is that nothing ever seems to work out? I've stuck my neck out time and time again and all that seems to happen is I get burned. While it seems like everyone else is growing closer because of me; I seem to fall further and further away. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear and see what happens. I'm starting to wonder if I should just worry about me and Danniel and forget about EVERYTHING else. I just wish that when one thing looked like it was going my way everything else would too and not send me three steps back for every one step I take forward.

VACATION!!!

Physically and mentally I'm worn out. I feel like I've been going non-stop but that's not the case. I'm worn out because my mind has been going 90 mph and shows no sign of slowing down anytime soon. Between worrying about school and work and Danniel and my relationship with Kodi I can't find a moment to take a breath. My biggest worry is that I'm doing everything wrong and that I will fail everything and everyone miserably. How can I ask anyone to put their trust into me when I don't even know if I can make it? I have no idea what the future holds for me, only God knows that, but it's asking a lot for me to put faith into that even though I know that's what I'm suppose to do. I often wonder if it would just be easier to be a hermit. That would make the list of people that I hurt a lot shorter and the task that I fail at would be non-existent. But then I think about how I couldn't be without my son. The four days we are apart tears me up. Then I think about Kodi and RT and that I don't want to spend time away from them either. It makes my day when I have all three of them around. So what I've decided that I need is a mental vacation. Just one day where I don't have to worry about anything. Nothing to think about and nothing that has to be accomplished. But how am I suppose to fit that into my schedule? Like I said some days I don't even have time to breath so where am I suppose to pull that extra time from? What I really need is a great devotional where I can let God just take over my mind. So anyone out there with any ideas I'm open to the suggestion. I think I might just have to plan a day where I can just go to the lake with nothing but God and my Bible and just let God do his work in me. I just hope that it's not to late for me and that God is willing to meet with a broken soul such as mine.

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Tonight I'm just in one of those moods. BLAH! I know I have the best son anyone could ask for, I have an amazing girlfriend who has a great daughter and I have true friends I can count on. But why does my mind constantly tell me I'm a failure. Maybe it's the fact that I found out today that people like to talk about me behind my back when they don't know or can't except the truth. And when you think these people are like family it just makes it hurt worse.
Oh well, I guess we'll just see what happens.